There's no shortage of Star Wars sticklers that have been widely debated, but never actually explained. One such enigma: Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi return to Tatooine after the events of Revenge of the Sith?

You'd think a Jedi Knight would know better than to take the son of his former apprentice back to his sole surviving family members. The psychotic Sith Lord's stepbrother, no less...! Obi-Wan then decides to stick around long enough for Luke Skywalker to grow up knowing all about the kooky powers-clad “Old Ben Kenobi." Clearly not interested in keeping a low profile, the former Guardian of the Old Republic trotted around Tatooine in his Jedi robe, and Luke even knew where the old geezer lived!

One possible explanation: Obi-Wan had no problems inconveniencing Luke. In fact, he was a massive jerk.

For starters, telling young Skywalker that Leia was his sister would’ve helped avoid the mortification of an incestuous smooch. Yoda was left to drop that bombshell, he was. Obi-Wan stood back and watched a Sand Person knock Luke out.

And let's not forget that moment in Cloud City where he straight-up ignores Skywalker, hand freshly dismembered, while dangling perilously from an antenna.

The Phantom Menace thrusts Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn, a fellow Jedi Knight, up against Darth Maul in a fierce lightsaber duel. The pattern-faced villain clobbers Obi-Wan and sends him tumbling down to a platform below the clash, leaving Qui-Gon at the mercy of the kung-fu-fighting Sith Lord. Any hope of victory hinges on Obi-Wan's swift return! Alas, the would-be savior elects not to use his “super speed” running skills (demonstrated previously aboard a Trade Federation ship) to expedite his return to action. Instead, he casually trudges back to the altercation, arriving just in time to witness Qui-Gon's kicking of the cosmic bucket!

Yeah yeah, he's upset about it. But how to explain the reprehensible lack of hustle? I'm calling it: Obi-Wan totally got distracted by Selfish Person Stuff. How to weave his braided ponytail even tighter, perhaps. (A feat beyond even the most accomplished Jedi barber...)

Revenge of the Sith also features a botched brawl, the consequences of which are dire. And yep, you've guessed it: Obi-Wan is to blame! The showdown takes place on the volcanic planet of Mustafar, with the now Dark Side-inclined Anakin Skywalker losing his limbs to Obi-Wan's nimble lightsaber work. But rather than put Anakin out of his misery — and bear in mind, his unsightly stumps leave him resembling a severed patch of rainforest — Obi-Wan casually departs without a care in the world.

This offered Emperor Palpatine opportunity to scoop up what was left of Anakin, and one comprehensive Dark Side makeover later, Darth Vader was free to torment the Galactic Republic.

To bring my Roast of Obi-Wan Kenobi to a close, allow me to remind you of Episode IV, wherein the Jedi Knight neglects to inform young Skywalker of his close relation to the abovementioned Sith Lord, but has no problem bemoaning his awfulness. Telling Luke that Vader “betrayed and murdered your father” and “he's more machine than man” highlight one critical fact: Darth Vader wouldn’t have even existed had Anakin been put to the sword (or lightsaber) in the first place!

Luke Skywalker sensed that a hint of good was still to be found within his father and, luckily enough, he held this belief long enough to see Vader hurtle Emperor Palpatine to his doom. Vader's redemption: Earned! The Skywalker family feud: Resolved! (Well, kinda.)

But it was certainly no thanks to Obi-Wan Kenobi, the worst Jedi Ever...