Here it is, my daughter Margaret’s “review” of Return Of The Jedi. We discussed this one over breakfast the day after watching it and she didn’t have as much to say about this movie as she did with A New Hope or Empire Strikes Back. I’m not sure if that’s her comment on the quality of this picture or what...

Who worshipped C-3PO and thought he was their god?

Jawas!

They were called Jawas? What did they look like?

Little bears.

Those were Jawas?

Yep.

Well, the Jawas were the guys in little robes that steal robots. The bears were actually called something else.

Woks.

Close enough.

Ewoks! One was nice to Princess Leia.

And what did that Ewok do to the bad guy when he met Princess Leia?

Beat him up! It’s very funny when he’s beating them up.

Do you think it’s funny for the bad guys, though?

No.

What’s your favorite part of Return of The Jedi?

When the Ewoks try to eat the people.

When they try to eat the good guys?

Uh-huh. Is that your favorite part too?

I do like that part. Did you think it was funny or were you scared?

I thought it was funny.

How do you think Chewbacca would taste?

Like...a man.

Do you know what that tastes like?

No.

We don’t really eat people, do we?

Uh-uh.

Who do you think tastes better, Han Solo or Luke Skywalker?

Luke Skywalker.

Yeah he doesn’t seem as tough.

But Luke would use his powers to float the Ewok up in the air and he’d say “AH AH AHHHHH!”

Yeah that would make them stop eating him, right?

Uh-huh.

Okay if you HAD to eat Luke, Han or Chewie, which one would you eat?

Nothing. I would only eat one Ewok.

I didn’t know that was a choice! Which Ewok would you eat?

The ones that tried to cook them.

So you’d get revenge on them by eating them?

Yeah. Actually I’ll just say nice things like “Uh can you please stop cooking them?” Maybe that would be nice.

That’s kind of what Princess Leia did too. Do you think the Ewoks would have actually eaten them?

No.

So who does Luke go to meet at the end?

His father.

And who’s his father?

Darth Vader.

And then they go meet someone together. Who is that?

His landlord. And then Darth Vader fights him!

Fights who?

His landlord.

And who’s the landlord? What does he look like?

Lightning.

What did that one Ewok do later in the movie?

He “rrrrrr-ed” the bike. (?)

He stole it?

Yeah from the bad guys and then he went “Waaahhh” and he swung!

Who was Han’s friend that flies his spaceship into the Death Star?

The other good guy that helped Darth Vader! (she whispers) I can’t really remember his name.

L...Lan…

Lando!

Yeah, and who’s the guy that flies with him?

The guy that has the blob-blob-blob-blob-blobby face.

And how does he talk?

Blah blee blah.

Does he seem like a good helper?

Blah bleh blah.

What about the red guys in the big spaceship, what kind of animals did you think they look like?

A fish.

I thought they looked like catfish.

Or maybe a dogfish. Or a puffer fish.

So now that you’ve seen all three original Star Wars movies, who do you think were your favorite aliens?

The catfish guys.

The aliens we just talked about? What about Chewbacca or the Ewoks?

Darth Vader.

Okay. Finish your yogurt, please.