'Stranger Than Truth' With Timmy Williams: How Disney Cured My Writer's Block

Timmy Williams, Tech Times 07 August 2015, 01:08 pm

Welcome to "Stranger Than Truth" with Timmy Williams. Each week, Timmy interviews a different fictional character from the world of geek culture to seek out the answers to the questions you've always wanted to ask. Recent interviews include Batman,Sarah Connor and the cast of Bone.

You may know Timmy from the sketch group The Whitest Kids U' Know, and you've probably seen him in a gas station buying snacks on his way to do stand-up somewhere.

He's also a huge nerd, as you can see by his Twitter handle:@TimmyIsANerd

This week, Timmy gets help with his writer's block from a trio of Disney icons, while also learning a disturbing secret about Harry Potter.

***

I’m still sitting on the lovely tea porch where I interviewed that fictional character Benedict Cumberbatch. The giant hand that erased him is now drawing something else. Something pretty. Something cute. Something...princess-y…

Hi! I’m Rapunzel.

Which version?

The Disney one.

Okay…

Your daughter chose what happens this week.

Right! Okay. Cool. So did she tell you what we’re going to talk about?

No, not really. She did suggest I should have a unicorn in the next movie.

Good idea. I’m just surprised she chose you and not Elsa.

Who?

Nobody, nevermind. So if you don’t know what we’re going to talk about, I certainly don’t either. I’m actually writing this the day it’s supposed to be published! I have some serious writer’s block.

Oh, I hate writer’s block.

Oh yeah? You do a lot of writing?

Well yeah, every Disney character writes their own script.

Really? So I guess that makes Simba the best writer at Disney.

Yeah, he’s a genius. Sticking to novels now.

Simba’s a novelist?

Yep! Under the pseudonym “J.K. Rowling.”

Wait... the Harry Potter books are actually written by a teenaged lion...you know what, that makes a lot of sense. You think he’d help me with my writer’s block?

Maybe, but aren’t you supposed to be interviewing me?

Well yeah, but I need help like right now.

Won’t your daughter be upset?

That’s why they invented ice cream. See ya, longhair!

The giant hand comes back and erases Rapunzel. I’m not in control of this thing, but I’m glad it seems to agree with me. I wonder if I’ll ever meet the owner of that hand...HMMMMMMM

Anyways, now Simba is sitting next to the table, lapping tea out of a dish. He looks just like he did at the end of the movie 20 years ago - one of the advantages of being drawn instead of being a real person that gets fat. I should look into that.

Hi I’m a lion!

Hi Simba, or should I say...J.K. Rowling?

I made wizards!

You certainly did.

One of them is gay!

Yeah we know.

Gay wizards are edgy!

I actually think that shouldn’t matter, and that by not making a big deal out of gay people we will move forward and make homosexuality an everyday, normal thing that everyone is okay with. But sure whatever. You’re edgy. Do you have any advice for curing writer’s block?

Hakuna Matata!

Okay. Can you...extrapolate on that at all?

It’s a wonderful phrase!

Are you sure you wrote the Harry Potter books?

No, that was just something you made up to try and spark your imagination and get rid of this writer’s block!

Well, I think I know where I’m going with this now.

So I did cure it!

Yeah, I guess you did. Thanks, Simba.

Hakuna Matata!

So who did write Harry Potter?

Cruella De Vil.

Oh great.

Poof! Simba changes into that vile villainess Cruella De Vil!

Hello sweety.

Hi, Cruella. So I heard you actually created the Harry Potter books.

Yes that was me. I originally wrote them as HAIRY Potter, about a little puppy who learns magic and saves the world. The idea was to lure puppies out of hiding with this imaginative book series, and then WHAM! make them all into coats. But the publisher said that wouldn’t work since dogs don’t have money and blah blah blah so I had to make it about humans instead.

And people really frown on coats made out of children.

I know! What a bunch of prudes. It’s 2015 for crying out loud! Just wear a coat made out of little kids!

Simba pops back in out of nowhere.

So this is where you were going? Jokes about making things out of human flesh? Who’s your reading audience, Ed Gein?

I liked you better when you talked kind of dumb.

That’s your problem, not mine.

Ooh, look at that pretty lion! He’d make a fabulous throw rug!

I’m gettin’ outta here!

Simba disappears.

Hopefully he doesn’t come back.

If he does, he’ll regret it.

You’re scary. Even though it was just another plan to kill puppies, you’ve written so many charming children’s books. I have to ask: how do you get rid of writer’s block?

You tell me, honey, you just got through it yourself.

What do you mean, and why do you kind of talk like Ursula from Little Mermaid?

Your memory stinks, and we’re kind of similar characters. Anyways, here you are, almost done with another interview piece after being worried about what to do! So, my question to you is: how do YOU get rid of writer’s block?

Uhh...start writing about writer’s block?

Bingo!

Great! Thanks, Cruella! Now let’s get Rapunzel back in here.

Ugh.

Cruella turns back into Rapunzel.

Yay! I’m so glad you brought me back!

Yeah..so…

Oh no is your writer’s block back too?!?

No...I just don’t think you’re very interesting. You’re really just a long ponytail with eyeballs.

Well what do you want me to do? Be an anthropomorphic animal, or murder puppies?

That would help.

Humph!