It's MLB Opening Day 2015, the official start of the season for America's pastime. But as millions of Americans descend upon the nation's ballparks, they're not just going to root, root, root for the home team. They're also going to be eating some greasy, cheesy, gooey grub.
Ballpark food is so much more than peanuts and Cracker Jacks these days. You can now get sushi when you watch the Washington Nationals play, a big, fat, juicy steak at Yankees Stadium and wine when you go to catch the Phillies.
However, for every classy delicacy you stumble upon at the ballpark, you'll find something so totally bizarre that no human should ever consume just waiting to be devoured at the next concession stand. Stadiums are hoping that the more over-the-top foods they serve, the more spectators they'll be able to fill seats with.
Well, the Internet certainly has never seen a crazy, new food it didn't like, so creating these lavish hybrid menu items gets the stadiums some publicity in this day and age at least. Here are the eight best ballpark food monstrosities that definitely demand your attention this Opening Day.
1. Krispy Kreme Doughnut Hot Dog At The Wilmington Blue Rocks' Frawley Stadium
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) March 11, 2015
This treat at the home of the Delaware Minor League team could give you a sugar rush and a heart attack at the same time. It's a hot dog covered in bacon and raspberry jam, all snuggled up in a Krispy Kreme "donut bun." When the treat was revealed last month, it still didn't have a name. That's probably because this monstrosity is downright indescribable.
2. Inside The Park Nachos At The Milwaukee Brewers' Miller Park
Here’s a pic of that Brewers ball park snack “Inside the Park Nachos” - Taco meat, crusted in Doritos on a stick pic.twitter.com/pOuOkJonIe — Jeff G. (@TheSportsDude) March 25, 2015
These may look like fancy corn dogs, but oh no. They are beasts all on their own filled with taco meat, surrounded by Doritos, topped with cheese sauce and sour cream and served with salsa. This dish may be called Inside the Park Nachos, but it is definitely outside the box.
3. The Hammer At The Atlanta Braves' Turner Field
— SI Extra Mustard (@SI_ExtraMustard) October 1, 2014
A snack named after former MLB career home run leader and Braves outfielder "Hammerin'" Hank Aaron had to be just as epic. The Hammer served at Turner Field certainly accomplishes that goal. The sandwich includes fried chicken, bacon, cheese and onions smack-dab in between two waffles, because why not?
4. The Boomstick At The Texas Rangers' Globe Life Park
@Rangers OBVIOUSLY the Boomstick!!! #RangersRewards pic.twitter.com/ovNcMLT1b2 — Shell-O (@ShellOTheAngel) March 30, 2015
Did this dish get its name because eating it will probably make you explode? The Boomstick is a two-foot-long, all-beef hot dog weighing one pound with chili, nacho cheese and grilled onions on top. I'm feeling a little quesy just thinking about it.
5. The StrasBurger At The Washington Nationals' Nationals Park
— Nick Florida (@NickFlowXX) July 10, 2014
The length of an entire baseball game is probably not enough time to finish eating the StrasBurger, an eight-pound, all-beef burger topped with a secret sauce, American cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, red onions and pickle chips on a ginormous bun. If that wasn't enough for you, you also get a choice of french fries or a pitcher of the soda of your choice on the side. The StrasBurger will also set you back a cool $59, so not only is it one of the hugest ballpark foods you'll ever see, but it's also probably one of the most expensive.
6. Pulled Pork Parfait At The Milwaukee Brewers' Miller Park
@darrenrovell You've seen the pulled pork parfait at Miller Park, yes? pic.twitter.com/sVA1OKbawa — Caitlin Moyer (@Cmoyer) July 24, 2014
With yet another item coming out of Miller Park on this list, it looks like the Milwaukee ballpark really knows how to do concession food right — or wrong. It could go either way, really. We usually think of a parfait as a healthy food option with its yogurt, granola and fruit. However, the Pulled Pork Parfait is anything but healthy. As the name suggests, it's just like a regular parfait, except it features layers of pulled pork and mashed potatoes with some chives thrown in. The Pulled Pork Parfait even has a Twitter account and Tumblr dedicated to it, so you know, it must be pretty special.
7. Rocky Mountain Oysters At The Colorado Rockies' Coors Field
You might be wondering why a ballpark in landlocked Colorado would be serving up some oysters. Well, you don't need to go diving in the ocean to find this food. That's because Rocky Mountain Oysters are actually fried bull's testicles. Shockingly, they're not one of the top-selling delicacies at the ballpark, but they have been on the menu for around 20 years, so you can't scoff too much at tradition.
8. The Murph-A-Dilla At The Texas Rangers' Globe Life Park
— Grace Cuda (@grafe_) July 23, 2013
Texas is obviously known for its Tex-Mex cuisine, so naturally the Texas Rangers' Globe Life Park would have some on deck. It served up a mutant of a quesadilla called the Murph-A-Dilla in honor of former Ranger David Murphy and his favorite snack. The Murph-A-Dilla measures 24 inches in length and includes beef brisket, lettuce, tomatoes and jalapenos all atop a bed of nacho cheese Doritos. I can only imagine that eating this in one sitting will make you feel no bueno.
9. Moby Dick Fish Sandwich At The Lake County Captains' Classic Park
I went to a minor league game to attempt a 3-lb fish sandwich challenge. It was... daunting. http://t.co/W7yxMwrb2K pic.twitter.com/ZBvaaiGQj7 — Marc Normandin (@Marc_Normandin) September 19, 2014
If you're looking for a whale of a good time, look no further than the Moby Dick Fish Sandwich at this Ohio Minor League team's ballpark. The sandwich is a three-pounder, including fish filets, eight slices of cheese, clam strips, french fries, cole slaw, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and tartar sauce, all on a sesame seed roll. You're not going to throw this sandwich back into the ocean, because it's too heavy for you to do so.