What in the world is happening between Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow? They always seem so poised, so calm. But apparently, get in between them and their lifestyle brands, and they will come for you.

In case you haven't been following this saga, here's what has gone down so far. It all started when Stewart spoke about Paltrow and her lifestyle company Goop in an interview with PORTER Magazine for its Fall 2014 issue. She said Paltrow should "be quiet." "She's a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn't be trying to be Martha Stewart." Ouch.

A normal person would be hurt by that statement, but since Paltrow is far from being normal, she shrugged it off when she responded to Stewart's comments about a month later. "If I'm really honest, I'm so psyched that she sees us as competition. I'm so psyched. I really am," Paltrow told Us Weekly. "At this point in my life I don't take it personally."

OK, that's a solid response, even though that's probably not the reaction Stewart was hoping to get out of Paltrow. You would think the situation would be over and done with. But come on. You know better than that.

As if this situation couldn't get any more awkward, those comments of Paltrow's came shortly after she hired Martha Stewart Living's former CEO Lisa Gersh. So that's right, Paltrow is basically trying to be the next Stewart.

But wait, it gets better. Days later, a post titled "Conscious Coupling" appeared on Stewart's website highlighting the collection of Thanksgiving pie recipes in the November issue of Martha Stewart Living, as you can see above. Whether it's meant as a jab or not, the headline clearly references the phrase "Conscious Uncoupling," which was the title of a blog post on Goop that announced Paltrow's separation from husband Chris Martin in March 2014. Here is part of the "Conscious Coupling" post, you can cut the passive aggressiveness with a knife (the bolding is theirs):

"Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I'll have what they're having. Our holiday pies honor such partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling so there's a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice these irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love."

Now I very much doubt Stewart sat down and wrote this post on her website because she is a very busy woman. However, that doesn't mean she didn't tell someone else to write it. The post is a clear reference to Paltrow's now-infamous phrase, and it just comes off like it's trying to rub the separation in her face, whether or not that was the intention.

As we all know, revenge is a dish best served cold, and that statement has never been more appropriate than at this very moment. As People points out, a recipe for Jailbird Cake just popped up on Goop. From where does the dessert get its name, you ask? It's a reference to the black chocolate wafer layers that run vertically in between layers of whipped cream that look like the stripes on old-timey prison uniforms. But there's also speculation that this is a dig at Stewart, who famously served time in prison in 2004 for lying to investigators about a stock trade. Oh, the shade of it all!

I think this is the least intimidating fight that has ever existed, but it is also quite possibly the most entertaining. Now it's Stewart's move, and if the past couple of months are any indication, her response is definitely going to be a good one.

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