A Christmas Story is the quintessential modern classic Christmas movie. It stands shoulder-to-shoulder with National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and is an annual favorite in many households. It's nearly impossible to meet someone that hasn't seen it.

Cable network TBS thinks so highly of it that they run a 24-hour marathon, showing it back-to-back-to-back starting on Christmas Eve, so you can watch it 12 times in a row should you feel the need. (You can admit it, we won't judge.)

A Christmas Story also happens to be a cornucopia of wisdom. Seriously, everything you need to know in life can be learned from this movie. For example...

Sometimes life sucks, and there's not a thing you can do about it.

Just B.S. it when you don't know how to pronounce a word.

Bullies are serial killers with less experience.

Keeping your arms at your side is overrated.

There is one infallible way to get people to do what you want.

Always blame your parents when bad things happen.

You always suspected Santa Claus was kind of a jerk. You were right.

Never disrespect a major award.


Maternal instincts are real, and they are to be feared.

It may be painful to hear, but teachers are always right.

Achievement Unlocked: Worst Possible Parental Reaction

Younger siblings are not normal people.

The line between tolerant and ballistic is thinner than advertised.


Never walk if rolling is an option.

And last but not least...

Don't be a freaking moron.

Come on, man.

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