Nintendo of America has hired a new vice president of sales, and his name is Bowser.
No, not the fire-breathing giant turtle dragon. This is Doug Bowser, a veteran of the game industry who has worked at EA for seven years. He now joins Nintendo of America, as was always his destiny.
Bowser will oversee sale-related functions like retail-marketing and in-store merchandising for the house that Mario built. What he really should be doing is kidnapping princesses and building castles to house them in, but we assume that part will come later.
If nothing else, hiring a guy named Bowser definitely lets the person writing Nintendo's press releases have a little fun. Instead of the boring, everyday "we hired a new VP" press release, you get to make fun Bowser jokes.
Scott Moffitt, Nintendo's executive vice president of sales and marketing, not so much. Here is what Bowser's new boss had this to say about the hire:
"Doug Bowser is an outstanding addition to our Nintendo team, as he brings a deep blend of both consumer package goods and video game sales experience. I know he will work tirelessly with our internal and external partners to ensure the broad Nintendo product lineup of hardware, software and accessories are strongly represented throughout U.S. retail points of distribution."
See? Not a single King Koopa joke or reference. Boring. In case you were wondering, this is what Doug Bowser looks like. Notice the distinct lack of yellow skin and fiery red head. Oh, and he's also not a turtle. Disappointing.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity Nintendo. You just hired a corporate executive who shares the same name as the villain that has appeared in nearly every one of your Mario games since 1989. Doug Bowser's office needs to be entirely decked out in Bowser toys and merchandise, or he needs to work in the tallest spire of a villainous castle. Flamethrowers need to be installed. Spiked turtle shells need to adorn the walls. And every press release related to Mr. Bowser needs to point out, over and over again, that Nintendo just hired a guy named Bowser.