Timmy Williams is a comedian and writer best known as a member of The Whitest Kids U’ Know. He lives in South Dakota with his daughter Margaret. Margaret is 4 and loves watching movies with her dad. This column will feature Margaret’s actual thoughts on the most iconic films of all time.

Star Wars had more of an impact on me than any other piece of pop culture. It’s where I get my moral compass, optimism and “certain point of view.” The good guys take a lot of crap but they always win, and sometimes they can even convince the bad guys to be nice! What a great philosophy. I couldn’t wait to show these movies to my daughter, but even more than that I couldn’t wait to hear her thoughts. She did not disappoint:

So Margaret, what did you think of this first Star Wars movie?

I loved it!

You did? Good. What was your favorite part?

When Luke saved everybody.

Who did he save?

Han Solo and Princess Leia.

Wait. Did he save Han Solo?

Oh. Noooo!

Did Han save him?

Oh. Yeah.

What did he do to save him, at the end when they were in space?

Build a spaceship!

They built a spaceship?

No, they blew one up.

Okay, and who was trying to shoot Luke so that he wouldn’t blow up the bad guy’s base?

Um the bad guys.

Right, but which big bad guy was trying to shoot Luke?

Darth Vader.

And who stopped Vader from shooting Luke? Who swooped down in his ship and stopped him?

Han Solo?

Right! And what did he say when he did it?

I don’t know.

He said “Yee-Haw!” (We have a good laugh at that. It’s really funny.)

And what’s the name of Han Solo’s spaceship?

I don’t know.

I’ll help you. It’s the Mi...mill..

Millennium Spaceship!

Close. There’s a bird name in there. Millennium F...Fal..

Millennium Falconry! [Would YOU correct this?]

Perfect. And when Han Solo meets that green bug guy, Greedo, what does he to do him?

Blown up. I love Princess Leia.

What do you love about Princess Leia?

She helps fight the bad guys.

Are other princesses as good at fighting the bad guys? (I'd like to take this time to note that ALL princesses are good whether they can fight or not. Combat readiness isn't the only way to measure a woman's worth)


Yes they are. (...or maybe I'm just not watching Cinderella close enough.)
 

Okay. Do you like any robots?

R2-D2 and C-3PO and the Jawas.

Wait, what do you think the Jawas are?

Robots. (This is actually a bizarre yet solid theory that I’ve never heard before.)

So they’re robots! So is that why their eyes light up? They’re light bulbs because they’re robots?

Yep!

So if the Jawas are robots, why are they taking and selling other robots?

I don’t know.

That’s okay. You don’t have to know. Now there’s another character you really like. The old guy.

WHO oh yeah Obi-Wan Kenobi!

Yep, and what kind of person is he? What is his job?

To teach kids!

What does he teach them?

How to use The Force. (Capitalization added by dorky father.)

What is that called, someone who teaches the Force and uses a lightsaber? What is that job called?

To take care. (I don’t quite understand this answer but it’s really adorable.)

When the good guys are trying to get off the space station, what happens with Darth Vader and Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Um they fighted.

And what happened to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

He DIES but now he’s a ghost!

Whoah spoiler alert! So in another part of the movie, what do the bad guys do to Princess Leia’s planet to try and scare her?

They blew up it.

Yep.

But Darth Vader wouldn’t blow up our planet because we live far, far away!

Funny that you would word it like that. Now what do Luke and Han get at the end of the movie?

Trophies! Necklaces!

Who gives it to them?

Princess Leia!

And who’s the big furry guy who’s Han Solo’s friend?

Chewbacca!

How’s he talk?

Uuuuggggh! (This sounds like someone groaning on the toilet. It’s honestly not a great Chewbacca impression.)

Is Chewbacca nice?

Yeah.

Do you think if you met him you would be scared or would you be happy to meet him?

I would be like “uh who are you?”

Would you hug him? I bet he’s really soft and furry.

Eh maybe. But if he came over I would give him a tour of our house and Grandma’s house and let him take a toy home!

Which toy would you give him?

I’d give him one each. And I’d give C-3PO one of my books.

That’s nice.

I would even talk to C-3PO!

If you could only meet Leia, Chewbacca, or C-3P0, which one would you meet?

I would rather meet R2-D2. He could use his little thing to open doors to shake my hand! And I would give him a spatula or my grabber handles*!

Right. So at the end of the movie when they’re getting their medals, does Chewbacca get a medal?

No!

Why not?

Because he didn’t save the day!

Well, I think he helped a little bit.

Nope.  

Okay. Is there anything else you would like to say about Star Wars?

Um, some other stuff about Chewbacca.

And then she walked away. The mystery continues next time when we discuss The Empire Strikes Back!

* Oh and “grabber handles” are tongs.

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