The minute the NFL suspended Tom Brady for four games and made the New England Patriots forfeit their 2016 first-round draft pick and 2017 fourth-round selection – in addition to fining them $1 million – you just knew a strong, calculated response was on the way.

Then add the fact that Patriots owner Robert Kraft publicly backed NFL commissioner Roger Goodell during his handling of the Ray Rice domestic-violence incident and the commish still hammered Kraft's QB and franchise... and it's easy to see how things are going to get uglier from here on out.

Well, on Thursday, before Brady formally filed an appeal, the Patriots released a point-by-point, 20,000-word rebuttal on a newly-created website called The Wells Report in Context. Sheesh!

While we must say their arguments pale in comparison to the damaging text messages in the Wells Report, the Patriots' rebuttal did attempt – emphasis on attempt – to throw some doubt on Deflategate.

Here's our list of the five biggest reaches in the Patriots' response.

Texts Messages Were Just Jokes, Not Plots

It's an easy cop-out to say that the text messages between Jim McNally (Patriots' officials locker room attendant) and John Jastremski (Pats' equipment assistant) were jokes and not plans to deflate footballs for Tom Brady. But that's what New England is going with — alleging that Wells incorrectly interpreted humor as a "plot to improperly deflate footballs." Really, guys? Jastremski text-messaging McNally, telling him that he spoke to Brady and the QB was concerned over his stress to "get them done," suggests otherwise. Nice try, Pats.

No Real Evidence That Brady Liked Deflated Footballs

The Patriots' rebuttal knocks the Wells Report for failing to provide evidence that Brady preferred to throw a deflated football. Yes, there's nothing in the Wells Report that flat-out says just that. However, reading into the text messages strongly suggests just that.

McNally's 100-Second Bathroom Time

The Patriots are actually refuting the Wells Report's claim that McNally deflated footballs in the bathroom by saying... he simply used the bathroom for the same purpose we all do.

"The report does not address whether one minute and 40 is consistent with the time that it takes a gentleman to enter a bathroom, relieve himself, wash his hands, and leave. In fact, it is," the Patriots argued. "Nor does the report consider or acknowledge that, with the start of the game having been delayed, there was no reason for Mr. McNally to rush any efforts to deflate footballs in the bathroom if that was the task at hand."

Mind you, there's surveillance footage and witness accounts of McNally bringing game balls into the bathroom, according to the Wells Report.

Wells Report Dismissed Scientific Evidence About Ball Pressure

The Patriots' rebuttal tried to point the finger at the Wells Report's apparent dismissal of natural scientific causes for footballs to deflate. Oh yeah? If you're arguing with science and claiming that the footballs naturally deflated, then why would Brady be concerned with the footballs to the point that Jastremski would tell McNally that the quarterback was concerned about McNally's stress level to "get them done?" It doesn't add up.

A rather deflating argument.

"Deflator" Was a Term About McNally Losing Weight, Not Deflating Footballs

In what has to be the biggest reach, the Patriots claimed McNally's self proclamation to be "The Deflator" spoke to "Mr. McNally's goal of losing weight" and having nothing to do with deflating footballs.

Do you think Brady and the Patriots will be able to reduce his four-game suspension?

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