Mornings are the enemy of many a modern adult, and while that daily dose of caffeine can help acclimate you to your day, mornings remain a ruthless evil that will eternally fill us with dread.
Hammacher Schlemmer understands this circadian conundrum and has found a way to make a physical incarnation of it.
Meet the Darth Vader Toaster. Shaped like the unmistakeable helmet and mask of the Dark Lord of the Sith, it stands ready to intimidate the rest of your kitchen appliances into submission.
It has the standard toaster features, including two slots for bread slices on top and a handle and dial on the back.
Plop your toast down inside, and Lord Vader is guaranteed to turn it evil. No, really. Special burners inside will emblazon the Star Wars logo onto one side of your bread and brown the crust to make a frame.
Make your toast in the Darth Vader Toaster on those days when you want the world to know your true feelings about the wickedness that is getting up in the morning. With this toast on your plate, your friends and family will get the message: "If you value your life, don't speak to me before noon."
The Darth Vader Toaster is on sale now for $50. If the toaster alone isn't enough for you, we suggest Hammacher Schlemmer's Darth Vader Slippers to really drive your point home.