Han Solo meets Indiana Jones! In a Star Wars comic book, no less! That must be the most stupendously fun-filled story ever written…! Right?

Wrong.

So, so wrong.

Nestled inside Dark Horse Comics’ Star Wars Tales #19, the unlikely (but awesome-sounding) “pairing” begins with Han Solo—along with Chewbacca, of course—hurtling through space with an Imperial Fleet hot in pursuit. With hopes of escape becoming increasingly doubtful, Han is left with no choice but to action a random “hope for the best!” hyperspace leap.

The desperation move sees the Millennium Falcon thrust into our very own solar system, before making a crash-landing in the American Northwest. Clueless as to where they are, Han and Chewie scour their surroundings in hope of finding some friendly natives.

Lo and behold, a Native American tribe spots the duo! But these guys are not in the mood for making friends; instead, the defenseless smugglers find themselves blitzed by arrows.

It doesn’t work out so well for Han…he dies. For real. Han Solo dies! In the Millennium Falcon’s cockpit…! (At this point it becomes all too clear that Disney was not involved in the crafting of this 10-pager.)

Furious about this rather grim development, Chewie bellows aloud like only a Wookiee can. The arrow-wielding indigenous folk hear the shrieking, only to label the heartbroken smuggler “Sasquatch”. Talk about adding insult to injury…

Fast forward 126 years, where a rugged-looking adventurer is hot on the heels of Bigfoot--locals claim the creature has dwelled in the region for years. A local guide leads the way towards the spot where most reports originate; once there, the adventurer (or, as is clearly the case, Indiana Jones) finds the Millennium Falcon. Holy crap! Poor Han Solo’s remains are discovered inside. ‘Cause, y’know, we really needed a bonus bout of gloominess.

The one consolation? The hunt for “Bigfoot” is called off, leaving Chewie to continue his aimless wandering without fear of a merciless, Dr. Henry Walton “Indiana” Jones, Jr.-delivered whip-lashing.

Betcha didn’t see the story panning out like that, eh? Two legendary Harrison Ford-played characters together in the same story, and the only time actually spent together features a skeletal Han Solo with an arrow sticking out of his chest.

If catching readers off guard was the goal, writer W. Haden Blackman passed the test quite spectacularly. Sean Murphy brings the misery to life with some splendid art, too.

So, to evaluate? Hardhearted comic book bummers don’t come much bleaker than this.

Yikes.

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